How am I supposed to deal with this myself? People make mistakes and for one I probably made the biggest one and it’s not one of those out of no where mistakes it was over a course of time. A year almost 2 years with some stranger that I felt this connection with. See I told him I couldn’t be with him, but that day he had his straw and now it’s lonely not having him around in general to just talk to as my friend when I wake up at night or when I wake up in the mornings. God knows I miss you and I do, but maybe I’m being punished for not seeing what was in front of me and for not waiting. I couldn’t wait forever and I felt like I had to move on and what a mistake it was. No one knows how much I miss just talking to you and hearing you act so goofy on the phone. Over all the heartbreaks I put myself through you just stuck with me even though we got mean and fussy with each other. Ever since I lost you I play these scenarios in my head where one day I’ll see you and wave hello from a distance and we’d realize what all we missed out on with each other. I talk and talk in my head trying to tell myself I don’t care, but then I figure out these long apology speeches, because I’m so sorry from the bottom of my heart even if you don’t see this. You we’re so good to me and I was a mean selfish friend who loved you and couldn’t show it.